You Can Date However You Want
I recently shared this post on my Instagram, and realized that not only did it seem to strike a chord with many women, but I wanted to expand on my thoughts on intuitive dating a little more, conversation-style, so I gave the topic its own podcast episode. Also I’ll take any chance I can get to help people have more freedom or joy in their life.
The TL;DR of the post was this: listen to your body, follow your joy, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do, and you can date however the hell you want.
I share this because I think dating (or anything in life really) can be tricky when you’re receiving well-meaning advice (for the most part) from people you love, and I believe one of the great challenges of life will always be trying to reconcile what we’re hearing from outside sources, with what we believe is right or good for our own lives.
I personally haven’t done very much dating since getting out of my last relationship 3 years ago. I’ve had moments where this was tougher than others, but ultimately I’ve learned to check in with myself and ask what it is I truly want at this point in my life, tuning out the cultural messaging of where I “think” I should be at this age or wondering if there’s something wrong with me because I’m not dating as much as other people I know might be.
I share my stories and experiences with eharmony and dating apps, and the importance of having grace towards people who are giving well-intentioned advice, and reminding you that the power and choices ultimately are in your court, and you are the only one who gets to make decisions about your life. And then to also stay open to the fact that your own desires around dating may change from day to day and that’s ok too.
The last thing I want to touch on is mindsets around dating. When I listened to Jen Sincero’s book “You Are a Badass,” besides having it totally change my life and make me feel like I could do anything I set my mind to, one thing that stood out was her example of her friends who always bashed the dating world and were, not surprisingly, still single. Saying things like, “there are no good guys left,” “dating is way too hard,” “guys only want one thing.” I was convicted because I realized I said many of these same things myself, or at least thought them. Even if I was kind of joking around in an exasperated way, what we say and think is important because it turns into what we believe. So I’ve made an effort to shift my beliefs around dating and marriage so that I only think of it in positive and hopeful ways. Saying things such as:
There are so many wonderful men out there.
I can’t wait to see who I’m going to meet when I go out tonight.
I’m so good at dating.
The right guy will come across my path at just the right time.
The beauty is: you get to create whatever beliefs you want to be true for you and your life. So make them good ones :)
Listen to the full episode here: