Indulgent Enjoyment: Diary of a Free-Flowing Spirit 11.1.18
I’d like to welcome you to my own personal writing challenge. I wrote this first “entry” not meaning to publish it, but as a free-write exercise I do for myself sometimes. But then I re-read it and decided to share it, and subsequent daily musings from this season of my life moving forward. Shooting for one month of consistent writing since I conveniently wrote the first one on 11/1 (and 3 ones in a row make me happy ;). “Diary of a Free-Flowing Spirit” came to mind as a title, because while I wouldn’t exactly choose to label myself as a “free spirit” (those that know me are most likely giggling in agreement), I am absolutely reveling in what it looks and feels like to be someone who is flowing freely through life right now. So here are my raw and unedited thoughts on it.
Love and sparkles,
Life has been so funny lately. With hardly any work or daytime plans, my days are wide open and filled with a somewhat self-indulgent schedule. Today I took a yoga class at 8:15am, I met Jessie for coffee at Pacific City and we had nonstop conversations for almost 3 hours, then I went home and made lunch and cleaned up from our party a bit and then continued binging on Schitt’s Creek, then had a good convo with Steph for awhile, then back to the show, with a little laundry thrown in, a sprint down to the water to watch the most incredible sunset unfold before me, dinner eventually, I baked cinnamon sugar muffins cuz November and cuz why not, had a nice long convo with Mama, listened to multiple podcasts today, spent more time than I wanted to on my phone, took my time getting ready for bed (like all the skincare steps, including putting body oil on my ears cuz when else do those guys get any love??) and am now sitting here with a face mask on, writing and wrapped up in my fuzzy blanket with no pressure to go to bed anytime soon since I have nothing to wake up for tomorrow lol. And honestly I love every second of it. There are some moments of guilt, but truthfully not a lot of stress for not making more money or working more. I’m letting myself just actually enjoy every minute of not living a “normal” life right now. There are no schedule restrictions placed on me, I’m letting myself figure out what it is I’m supposed to be doing next, and I’m enjoying all the lovely details of my days, big and small.
Last night was Heaven with our annual Halloween dinner, and the biggest dinner table we’ve had to date. I could do that all the time. Plan dinners and parties that bring people together and bring out good conversations and laughter. I loved dreaming about the idea with Jess today too, and talking about things we’d love to do together. I have all these dreams and ideas and excitements but am still just not very sure how they’re all supposed to come together. I trust that things will be revealed to me in time, but I do worry about wasting my time or not doing more with it to help others, and that I’m living a life that’s too self-focused. But yet in a lot of ways, it’s the most joy-filled and free and fun season I’ve had in as long as I can remember.
A lot of times I feel like I need to be accomplishing something or doing something more productive, but then I always return to the idea of just letting myself enjoy whatever it is I’m doing in that moment. I can’t even imagine having to go into a job every day after living this life that I’ve had the past 6 months. I know I’m not rolling in the dough but I’m getting by and the quality of life increase is so so worth it.
Going to keep living with open hands and take each day as it comes and continue being so grateful for this space in my life to slow down and take it all in and watch as God provides and live in a place of being uncertain of what each new day will bring. And I’m also gonna go and watch Schitt’s Creek till I fall asleep. Cuz I want to.