Life Update: Learning to Live Open-Handed
Life has taken so many interesting twists and turns within the last 6 months of leaving my job. I keep wanting to share updates, and all the ways in which it feels like my mind and my soul keep expanding and how very exciting that is, and how I want nothing more than for other people to learn and feel these very things as well, and then I typically get overwhelmed and don’t know where to start and so I don’t write anything down. At least not here on my blog. Hoping to get better at that, but for now I wanted to share some general life updates as well as what they have taught me.
So after leaving my career job and giving myself a break for a bit, my plan was to do something as different as possible from a 9-5 office job, while still finding a way to earn money, and create space for the projects I was wanting to pursue as well. For a minute this looked like being a server at a nice restaurant or hotel somewhere – basically something I could earn tips at – while simultaneously not using up a ton of brain power so I could reserve that for other things. If you follow me on IG, you’ll maybe know that I got a job as a hostess at one of the restaurants at Pelican Hill nearby me – a fancy resort that seemed super aligned for me in more ways than not. The hope was to find some freelance jobs to fill in the gaps of my (very) meager salary there, and work my way up to a serving position eventually.
Wellll, it didn’t quite work out the way I had planned. Unexpectedly and amazingly, I (ironically) ended up getting an opportunity for a part-time freelance job to be the marketing manager for a start-up. It was for 20 hours a week, with a salary I was very pleased with. At first I thought maybe I could keep both jobs, but the reality was that it was going to take me a really long time before I was in a server position making any decent kind of money, and my schedule felt way too hectic to balance both, so after about 5 weeks there, I called it quits. I was honestly sad to leave certain aspects of that job behind – the people, the location, getting to interact with fascinating guests, the simplicity of it. But it served as further confirmation from my short-lived retail days years ago that I am not cut out for a variable schedule that doesn’t allow for flexibility and freedom in my life. Lesson learned, and so appreciative to have found something that is really working for my schedule and this season of my life right now.
Truthfully this was ideal, because now I had a flexible schedule where I could set my own calendar, travel, work from home, work with friends, etc. I got a co-working membership to FLDWRK, where several other friends work from, and that has been so helpful. I’m not a great solo, work-from-home all the time kinda girl, so it’s really nice to at least have a couple days a week where I have an excuse to put on an outfit, have somewhere to be, not feel obligated to buy a new coffee every 2 hours, and best of all, be around people! Would highly recommend the benefits of a co-working space if you’re a freelancer / work remote type person.
The best part of this season has had nothing to do with jobs though. I giggle every time someone asks me what I’ve been up to, or what I’m doing for work, because the answer is so much more complex than “taking a break/traveling/doing freelance marketing work.” Inspired by this post I saw one day (original source unknown), I made up my own answer I’d like to tell everyone who asks me that question:
As cliché as it sounds, this season has turned into such a soul-searching period of my life, on accident, with that above list being the biggest themes my life has focused around lately. I didn’t plan to leave my job to go “find myself.” While I felt nudged to leave because I knew deep down there was something more for me out there, I thought I was going to be pursuing certain dreams that had been on my heart for a long time and figuring out how to turn those into a career. And while at times I’ve tried to continue moving in that direction, taking one step in front of another, those dreams have started to shift shapes, due largely to the personal growth I’ve been experiencing. Which at times can be frustrating or confusing when I’d love for a clear path to be placed in my lap, but most of the time it’s just felt incredibly peaceful and exciting.
A recent shift I’ve made that’s been so helpful for me was removing the pressure from myself to create things for the sake of others’ growth or healing, and instead allow myself to just sit and be present in this expansive phase I’ve found myself in. Because I believe that ultimately the most beautiful fruits of my life will be born out of this place of just sitting, and being, and knowing.
I have so much more I want to share – about how I’m learning to design my dream life, co-creating it with God in a way that is bringing so much joy and happiness to my soul, how by letting go of striving and stressing about making money, abundance and resources have continued to flow towards me, how I’m learning to challenge and deconstruct all the “should’s” in my life, how I’ve shifted my views on singleness and dating, and so much more. So that’s what’s to come in future posts on this blog. My mind and heart have been bursting with thoughts and realizations and questions and dreams, and now it’s time to put them down on paper.
So if any of these topics or portions of my journey resonate with you, then I hope you’ll find these musings helpful or interesting or stirring at the very least. More than ever, I’ve come to believe that a life filled with joy and love and magic beyond our wildest imaginations where anything is possible is available to each and every one of us, and even living with that notion is such a game-changer. So here’s to this one beautiful and precious life we get to live, may we begin to burst through all the limits that are holding us back from our very best lives.