Life Update: The Space Between Chapters

What a month this has been. Well almost 2 months now actually. "Rollercoaster" doesn't even begin to cover the range of emotions I've experienced on a daily, and sometimes hourly, basis. Though even with the momentary stress and panic I've felt at times, I can't get over what a completely exhilarating and life-altering stage of life this feels like for me, in the best way possible. I'm hoping to document my experiences of leaving my job to forge my own path in hopes that others might feel encouraged or comforted while facing a similar life shift. Because truthfully I don't know if I would have gone forward with some of the decisions I did if I hadn't heard the stories of those who had already walked a similar road. And I feel more alive and free than I have in a really long time, and would love for others to experience the same. 

Let's start with a little bit of history

Six and a half years ago I moved from Portland back down to Orange County, where I'm originally from. I didn't have a job lined up, just a dreamy little room in a beach house on Balboa Island and a tiny bit of unemployment each month to get by on. I was hoping to find a job that had purpose this time around - something more in line with my passions or that helped others. But finding any job proved to be really difficult. I spent 6 months unemployed and as much as I loved certain parts of that experience, I didn't love watching my savings dwindle and knew I needed a job no matter what I was doing for it. So I stumbled upon an opportunity at a marketing agency some friends I knew worked at, and even though I had no official background in PR or marketing or agency life, I somehow still got the Communications Manager job I applied for. I spent the first month or two not knowing what I was doing, and feeling like this would probably just be a stepping stone between unemployment and what was next for me. But something shifted and I decided to stay for awhile and give it my all, and before I knew it, 6 months turned into 6 years.

I loved working there. I loved the people I worked with and for, I loved getting to travel for work, I loved pushing myself and learning new things, and I loved watching myself stretch and grow into a career that I didn't think I wanted at first. I had never really even thought of myself as a "career person" in the first place. If I'm being honest with you, I had every intention to be a stay at home mom by this age, so mentally I hadn't planned ahead to this point of needing to keep moving my career forward while fully supporting myself. But I surprised myself by how much I liked it at times, and how proud of myself I was for doing something I didn't think I was cut out for. I will always treasure this unexpected chapter of my life for so many reasons, one of them being the reminder to stay open to paths and turns you weren't necessarily even looking for.

That stirring-in-your-soul feeling

Starting last year, I began to have those "what am I doing with my life?" moments that were causing me to stop and evaluate where I was headed and what I wanted my life to look like at this point. I also kept returning to the dreams I've had on my heart for a long time, the things I felt like I was made to do, that I seemed to always push aside with an excuse as to why I wasn't ready to pursue them yet. Those excuses included really practical ones like, "why would you leave a stable salary with healthcare and a 401k at a job that you mostly enjoy doing with people you really like?" It seemed really stupid, and impossibly difficult at times, to dream about walking away from all of that. I spent a lot of time feeling like I was wrestling back and forth between these two different lives: one that was predictable and comfortable, yet limiting to who I was created to be, and one that was unknown and risky and really, really exciting. 

There were multiple factors that led me to finally put in my notice at my job, but it mostly boiled down to this: I knew God wasn't calling me to live a safe and comfortable life. I was given specific passions and desires for a reason, and if I didn't leave now to pursue those, when would I? I originally had wanted to wait until I had something lined up, even a part-time job, before deciding to quit, because that is what I had always been taught. But I reached a point one weekend where I knew I had to push myself off the cliff and trust that it would force me to figure out what was next, rather than wait for the perfect time to leave. And so the very next day, I walked into work and (tearfully) told my boss that morning it was time for me to move on.

Hello, Uncertainty

I'd love to say I felt unwavering confidence in this decision in the weeks that followed. Well actually, I don't. Because the fear was also an indicator to me that I was on the right path. But I had to continually return to the new mantras I'd adopted for myself: "You made this decision in confidence and peace, stay in those feelings." "The world needs your dreams, and the most alive version of yourself." "The money will come, keep trusting." "Enjoy this moment, don't let the fear of the unknown of tomorrow take away from the exhilaration and joy of today." And I'm happy to report I've successfully avoided a full-blown panic attack, though a couple times I have gotten close.

My saving graces

Besides the mantras, there have been a few other things that have helped me immensely in this season. The first was reading "You are a Badass" by Jen Sincero. Twice. And actually, I listened to it rather than read it - I do better being able to listen while I'm getting ready/walking/driving/etc. when I don't have time to sit down and read a physical book. I could talk about this book all day, but I'll try to boil down the main takeaways this book gave me. For starters, it made me believe I could do ANYTHING I put mind to. I'm not kidding. There are so many lies and stories and limitations we've adopted throughout the course of our lives, many times not even realizing it, that keep us from going after the things we really want. In the book she talks about how to identify what those are and how to move past them.

Another life-altering perspective I took away from the book was that I could create the exact life I wanted to live, down to the tiny, specific details. Sounds too simplistic and idealistic, I know. But the more time I spent dwelling on that idea, the more I believed it and the more it exhilarated me. We're told we have to make money through x, y or z, and that our life's timeline has to look like those around us, and that it's too silly to dream about traveling to that place our heart has longed for without having enough money saved up, or that if we decide to follow our dream path we'll be poor or have to move somewhere we hate, etc. But what if you wiped away all those "truths" and let yourself fully believe that anything is possible for your life? That there are endless possibilities and resources available to you, you just need to decide you're ready to go after them? I truly, truly believe that this world, and each of us, would be so much better off if we all pressed into the feelings of joy and fullness we feel when we're doing the things we're created for - what we're most gifted at, what people compliment us for, what gives us that racing, tight feeling in our chest - and didn't bury those things under hesitation and excuses.  That could range from running a Fortune 500 company and allowing millions to benefit from the goods and services you're providing to the world, to being a bartender in a hut on a beach in Tulum and living a simple and sun-filled life. There's no right or wrong answer to how you should live your dream life, it's YOUR life! Some people might know right away what that dream life looks like for them, and others might have to spend some time un-burying it from a life filled with pressures and other peoples' expectations and limiting truths spoken over them. If you could write the perfect story for your life, down to what you did for work, for fun, where you lived, what you wore, the things you ate, what would your life look like?

The second thing that was incredibly helpful and life-giving to me during this transition was my support system. From the books I've read and podcasts I've listened to and stories I've heard from others, I was well-prepared to face at least some opposition to me walking away from my job into an unknown season. But I amazingly and gratefully didn't experience one single second of questioning or nay-saying from anyone I shared my plans with - not from my family, my friends, or even strangers. (Well once my Mom asked if I had at least some savings in the bank so I wouldn't end up on the streets, but I suppose that's a fair question for a parent to ask). I know how incredibly blessed I am to have these kind of responses, filling me with encouragement and confidence every time I walked away from them. I've clung to peoples' words: saying that they were proud of me, and not worried for what was next, even when I was, and that they couldn't wait to see how things unfolded, and many times it's these words I return to when I start doubting myself or am feeling fearful. If you're reading this and you're one of those people, thank you. You probably have no idea how much your support means to me.

I know this isn't everyone's experience though, and so if you've encountered this I want to encourage you to let any negative or doubt-filled words from others go in one ear and right out the other. Remember that their reaction is 100% about them and not you. Take helpful or encouraging advice and tuck that away in your heart to draw from when you need it later, and allow everything else to float on by you. Surround yourself with people who are living big, full, colorful and inspiring lives, and limit your interactions with people who leave you feeling drained, negative, or limited in the way you approach your own life. I've also found that the more you live into a high energy ("high frequency" as Sincero calls it) state of being - being excited about your life and the choices you're making - you tend to attract other people doing the same, and then that energy begets more energy and life just continues to feel like someone is constantly turning up the dial up on all the goodness coming your way.

So, what's next?

Leaving a job without a clear plan lined up is an interesting place to be. There were days that I panicked thinking about how uncertain my future was, and craved the paths of people who left one job excitedly as they hopped right into their next stable career. And then there have been the moments where I've been so grateful for the rare opportunity to take a moment to pause and breathe between one chapter and get really clear and focused on exactly what it is I want to fill my time and days with in the chapter to come.

A basic overview of what I'm currently hoping to pursue is the following: I would love to find a job that gives me the freedom to not work a M-F, 9-6 schedule and use up a ton of brain power (ideally something like being a server at a pool at a fancy hotel or country club just to throw out an example ;), so that I can make money but also have days and hours freed up to work on my "passion projects" that give me the most life! One of those is writing and blogging more, one is a side hustle with two dear friends that I'll hopefully be sharing about soon, and then the big one is a dream I've had on my heart for years now that I haven't had the space or focus to really move forward on. I'm not ready to share what that is here yet, but I am really excited to start fully pursuing that vision, and then to eventually share bits of it here as I go. 

Ok wrapping up

I know this is a lot (like way too much) background on my past and what's to come, so thank you for indulging me by reading my story if you made it this far. I hope there are some things in here that allow you to maybe look at your own story in a new way or ask some good questions of yourself and your life, or even just feel empowered to go after exactly what it is you want. 

I'll close with this one piece of advice that's really helped me these last few weeks: Let yourself enjoy exactly where you're at. Like, actually enjoy and soak up every good moment, and keep coming back to the present rather than worrying about the what's to come. There have been so many times I've been on the verge of ruining a perfectly good and important moment or day these past couple months because of the worry of the unknown, and so constantly I've had to bring myself back to this thought. I let myself soak up the celebrations of my last week of work, I let myself relax and enjoy my time off trusting that I'll find a job when the time is right, and I let myself get really excited by planning out the details of my life rather than feel overwhelmed by it. 

I'm excited to keep sharing bits and pieces of this journey as it unfolds, and would love to hear and be encouraged by the things that bring you life and light you up too! I don't normally ask people to comment, but if you're willing, I'd love to know the one thing you'd choose to do if money, time, and fear weren't an issue. And then I'll probably tell you not to quit your daydream ;) 

xoxo,

Sara B.

You Win Some, You Lose Some

Do you ever have those moments when you're completely overwhelmed with how hard it is to be an adult? I'm not talking about the really hard or serious things in life, but just the day-to-day tasks you need to accomplish to maintain a decent level of responsibility, health and sanity. Basically this meme:

It's really easy for me to catastrophe-spiral into how I'll never have it all together when life gets really "busy" and I didn't make it to yoga at all that week or didn't have any time to meal prep and I feel like I'm neglecting certain friends by not reaching out enough.

And then a new week rolls around and suddenly I find myself with a wide-open Sunday where my room is completely clean, I had time to buy groceries for the week and fresh flowers for my room, I tried a new recipe, and I ended the day with a leisurely dinner with friends and a walk around the island with plenty of time to get to bed at a decent hour. Funny how quickly the outlook on our life and our capabilities can change, isn't it? (I partially blame this extreme emotional yo-yoing on my exciting Gemini personality). But one of the beauties of aging and gaining more perspective on your life and the inevitable swings you'll encounter, is that it helps to remove the severity of your emotions around certain experiences. You remember, "this too shall pass," and learn to heap more grace onto your plate as you navigate through more challenging chapters.

A tiny mental shift I made recently has made such a difference. Equipped with the knowledge that some weeks I'll feel like I'm thriving, and others I'll feel like I'm barely surviving, I moved from a place of resistance to acceptance of whatever it was I was capable of that day, or that week. For example: instead of stressing that I didn't have time to pack a lunch or beating myself up because I had to order takeout one night, I simply let myself enjoy the treat of a meal that I didn't have to make myself. Or when I look ahead at my calendar and don't see any space in it for exercising that week, I resign myself to the fact that this week that will just have to be de-prioritized and I'll have space for it when the time is right. Giving myself permission to just let it go is so very freeing. I'm sure a lot of you already practice this (or just don't stress about these kind of things like I do haha), but in case it helps free up any guilt or negative self-talk in your life, I thought I'd share. Some good mantras to have on repeat in your brain are "You're doing a good job," "You're doing the best you can with what you have," "This may not be your week, but next week will be." 

Hang in there, Every Day Life Warriors, you've got this. 

xoxo,

Sara B. 

With This Ring

...I proposed to myself. And said yes. Just kidding, but I realize that's what this looks like haha. I wanted to share the story behind this special ring I bought myself recently, because the process of choosing it and creating a ceremony around it was something that was really healing and helpful for me, and was partially thanks to valuable advice I got from my therapist as well (therapy for life). 

For starters, I have wanted to buy myself a "nice" ring for awhile now. I don't have many pieces of higher-end jewelry, except for a diamond band my dad gave me when I was 15 that I've worn every day since. And then besides just classing my jewelry game up, one day I had the thought that if I didn't have any plans in the foreseeable future to be engaged, and thus get a pretty, sparkly ring on my finger, that didn't mean I had to hold out on myself until I was in order to get one. I could still buy myself a pretty, sparkly ring that would give me something to smile about every time I looked down at it. So these thoughts had been in the back of my mind for a little while, as I passively searched for something I'd like to own.

Several months ago I was in a therapy sesh with my therapist whom I adore, and we were talking about the value of ceremonies when closing a chapter or choosing to let something go. She also talked about the significance and importance of a token, or any physical object used to represent a milestone achieved, or a as reminder of a decision or promise made. In that moment I immediately knew I wanted to choose a beautiful ring to be that token, and to accompany a ceremony around certain promises I was hoping to make to myself.

After asking for a suggestion for pretty, delicate jewelry, a friend sent me a link to Local Eclectic and I was obsessed with almost everything on there. At first I thought I was going to choose a simple and delicate band, but then I saw this ring and totally fell in love with it. So I ordered it and impatiently waited for it to show up. While I waited, I wrote out some "vows" to myself. I somewhat followed the structure of how a wedding ceremony would go, since that's all I knew to go off of. I first wrote a letter to myself from God's perspective, what I would imagine him saying to me about how he sees me and what he hopes for me. Then I wrote out "vows" - promises surrounding remembering my worth and to make decisions that honor who I am and what I want for my future. Some were around how I'd hope to approach romantic relationships in the future, or even the waiting process for those, and others were just things I hope to be true about me and my life in general. 

Once the ring came, I didn't start wearing it right away. I wanted to wait until I could set aside time to purposefully give myself the ring, and read the letter and vows over myself, and I knew I'd probably want the ocean and a sunset to be involved. So I set a date with myself one weekend, put my phone on airplane mode, and took the ferry over to the beach to go sit on one of the lifeguard towers there to watch the sun sink into the ocean on that warm evening. I re-wrote out all the vows and read them aloud to myself and then finally let myself start wearing that pretty ring. Nothing super transformative or magical happened in that moment (and to be honest, I even feel a little silly and vulnerable sharing this experience), but it felt important for me to intentionally go through that process, and to care for and honor myself in that way. And the ring has continued to serve as a frequent reminder and source of strength for me. I find myself reaching over with my right hand to touch it and to bring those vows back to front of mind throughout my day.

Now I am a big proponent of people having a token or some sort of tangible reminder for something important to them, and not just waiting for a wedding ring to be that object. And I absolutely believe in the value and beauty of a ceremony to mark something significant (or insignificant) in your life. To celebrate the things you're proud of yourself for, to seal in the close of a chapter, to vow to start something new, etc. So this was a ceremony and token that was special to me that I wanted to share with you, in case it inspires you to do something similar in your life. Cheers, friends!

xoxo,

Sara B.

My Solo Trip to Spain

Before I even headed into 2017, I knew I wanted to travel to Spain that year. I think it was the combo of never making it there when I studied abroad + lots of friends traveling there recently and loving it + my old neighbor living in Madrid and telling me to come visit her whenever I wanted. So I mentally committed to making that trip happen, no matter what it took. I even (symbolically and purposefully) celebrated Spain's New Year's on Dec 31st (3pm my time) heading into 2017 at my friend's place on Balboa who hosts a big NYE party every year to ring in the Spanish New Year (her family is from there). I am nothing if not committed to my commitments.

The plans waned at times throughout the year when I couldn't find anyone to go with me, and when I considered the cost of traveling alone. But luckily I have friends who push and encourage me in all the right ways, and two conversations I had in particular really stuck with me. One girlfriend who had traveled to Spain several times reminded me that "you never regret the money spent on travel and experiences." And another girlfriend who has traveled alone internationally and knows the value of a solid "Eat, Pray, Love" pilgrimage practically shook me and said, "You HAVE to go on this trip. If you're waiting for your sign, let this be it." I probably owe this trip to a lot of people, but those two in particular really stand out to me. (I'm looking at you Anna and Katy, thank you both).

From there, the planning began. Luckily I had a decent amount of credit card points to use (Chase Sapphire Reserve FTW), so I was able to book my roundtrip flight and 2 hotel nights in Barcelona through that. I decided to start in Madrid (where my friend was living), and then head to San Sebastian and Barcelona after that, and between the credit card points and my generous friend letting me stay with her in Madrid, the trip ended up being relatively affordable overall. I wanted to document this trip here partially for the few travel tips I have, partially to catalog some of my favorite pictures, but mostly to share my experience of traveling alone, and how I believe it is truly one of the greatest gifts you could ever give yourself. Also I became obsessed with making highlight reel videos while I was there and figured I could share my (very amateur) video-making tips as well. Let's start with Madrid:

I feel bad saying this, but out of all the cities I was going to, I was probably looking forward to Madrid the least (minus getting to see my friend Becca). It just had never been high on my list of places to visit for some reason, but I was completely blown away by how much I loved it. It was clean and beautiful and reminded me of Rome (my most favorite city) with a dash of London thrown in too. I loved the big city feel mixed with the culture, the big parks, and it didn't hurt that the weather was perfect when I was there too (late September). One of my favorite parts was using the electric bikes to get around the city (we used Becca's bike card for that), it made it so easy to get see lots of places quickly and was so fun too. Another highlight was staying out till 7am one of the nights, something I've always wanted to do, but just can never seem to make happen in the states (where are the places for the late night people to hang??). My favorite places/experiences in Madrid were: riding around Retiro Park in the fall - the leaves were so, so gorgeous, stumbling across the incredible "Guernica" painting by Picasso in the Reina Sofia Museum, and cheese and olive and wine tasting in the Market of San Miguel (pictured up above). I truly fell in love with Madrid and would absolutely love to go back someday. Thank you, thank you for having me Becca! 

Next stop was San Sebastian! This city would have never been on my radar if I didn't have multiple friends tell me how in love with this place they were. And I'm so glad I listened because this city really was magical. I loved the small feel to the town, the huge beach that bordered it, and the big hill you could hike up for the most beautiful views and sunsets. I know there was so much there I still didn't even get to see as well. My 3 days spent there were also some of my favorites because of the incredible feeling of being completely on my own. There was something so exhilarating about being half way around the world from almost everyone I knew - no one knew where I was or could reach me if they tried. With no service when I was out and about, there was no temptation to mindlessly scan through instagram stories, no questions about who was or wasn't texting me, no ability to reach out to someone even if I wanted to. It felt so luxurious to essentially "go back in time" to how life used to be before smart phones - when you left your home and got to be completely untethered to anything except what was currently happening right around you. One of my favorite moments of soaking in that feeling was in a back corner of a pinxto bar (what they call their tapas bars in San Sebastian) having my dinner just me and my book and feeling complete bliss for where I was and what I was getting to do. I'll never forget that night. There's a picture of that meal a couple photos down.

Rainbow tree! Rainbows ended up being a really special theme for me throughout this trip, see if you can find the rainbow images hidden throughout this post ;)

This photo and the several down below are from my very favorite day there. It was basically a day-long date I took myself on where I had time to rest and reflect and soak up so much beauty that got to be just for me. It really was the best. That night I bought some wine and snacks and took them up the hill to watch the sunset and then I found this little bar nestled in the hill a little higher where I was told to order a gin and tonic and I got to watch the rest of the sunset from up there. I was in heaven.

I made friends! People from Barcelona and Lisbon that were in town for the big food festival that happens once a year in San Sebastian. I ate at this restaurant thanks to the recommendation of friends and my Airbnb host (it's called Bar Nestor) and they only have a few menu options and are known for their tortillas (I didn't make it there early enough to get one, they run out quickly) and their steaks. Would highly recommend, and recommend you get there right when they open for dinner.

Before I went to Spain, I knew I wanted to ask my girlfriend living in Madrid how she made her awesome videos for every city she traveled to over there. So right when I got there, she showed me all her secrets and I became obsessed with gathering clips for my Spain "highlight reels" that I wanted to make. While the videos I made leave much to be desired, it was so fun to learn something new and to have a different kind of memento than just photos for once. And I'm excited to hopefully keep getting better at these! I think I actually like the video I made for Madrid better, but I shot it vertically knowing I'd want to post it on my Instagram that way, instead of shooting it horizontally like a proper video. So I made an effort to film horizontal clips when I was in San Sebastian, but it's also hard to make a fun-looking video when you're all alone haha. Having friends in the other video helped ;) Here's the app I used and just a few tips to keep in mind when shooting:

• I followed my friend's suggestion and got the Videoshop app. It's $2 and super easy to use.
• If you're hoping to publish the video online - YouTube, Vimeo, blogs, etc., you'll want to shoot your footage horizontally so it can be full screen. Kind of annoying to remember to do that when we're used to shooting everything vertically on our phones, but you start to get the hang of it.
• You only need short little clips of things! Honestly the shorter the better. The app will help you trim clips down, but I found that just a few seconds worth of a scene was enough and ended up working the best.
• It's awkward to have yourself in shots, but sometimes it's nice to have a human face in there rather than just scenery clips.
• I could probably stand to do less "panning" with my shots. My skills clearly could use some work, but I think aiming to keep the shot steady and with smaller movements will yield better results. 

Last stop was Barcelona! This city has so much to offer so I feel like I barely scratched the surface in the two days I was there. And for the future, I would probably want to come back here with friends so I could feel a little safer exploring and going out at night (neither of which I did that much to try to be safe on my own). I loved my hotel - Hotel Midmost - and felt like it was a good call for me to stay in a hotel as opposed to an Airbnb in this city. Backtracking to San Sebastian, there I chose to stay at an Airbnb with a host couple (this one!) and was happy with that decision as well. They were lovely and hospitable and helped give me wonderful recommendations for my time there. Here are some of my highlights and recommendations from Barcelona:

• My friend Katrina mentioned that I should go and watch the sunrise over the water while I was there since here we only get to see the sun SET over the water over here in CA. I had actually met someone there who wanted to go with me and we made our way to the beach bright and early and saw the sun rise over the ocean and it was really special. So glad I got a pretty, clear morning that day.
• I knew I wanted to see La Sagrada Familia cathedral while I was there, and I'm so glad I had met up with some acquaintances who told me I needed to buy my tickets ahead of time and also encouraged me to purchase the audio tour as well. Neither of which I would have done on my own and was so grateful I did! I wouldn't have gotten in the next day (tickets sell out) and learning about all the intricate historical details and symbolism of that beautiful church was incredible. I took notes throughout it and teared up multiple times. Definitely worth the extra money.
• My last night there I was exhausted after such a long day, but I knew I wanted to celebrate so I got myself together, got dressed up, and took myself out for Italian food (literally all I wanted for most of the trip haha) and it was such a sweet way to wrap up my time there.

I could write for days about this trip, but I'll end with this: I am so glad I said YES to something my heart was telling me to do because it ended up being one of the best experiences of my life. In a world where we constantly feel the need to connect, share and publish (or at least I do), taking the time to step back, be still, and soak up a moment or a day or a feeling just for YOU is such a special gift. I left this trip feeling empowered that I could navigate a foreign country all by myself, inspired and excited by seeing so many beautiful new spots all at once, filled up from taking care of myself, and incredibly loved by a God who showered me with rainbows and beauty everywhere I went. If you've never thought to travel alone somewhere - be it near or far - may I be the one to highly, highly recommend it. Cheers to this beautiful world, and to nurturing one of the most sacred relationships we get to be in - the one with ourselves. Already planning and looking forward to my next solo adventure ;)

xoxo,

Sara B.

Natural Remedies During Flu Season That Actually Work

Last Friday night I woke up in the middle of the night with the beginnings of a sore throat and that achey, sicky feeling and I literally panicked. I had watched one friend after another go down with the horrible flu plague that seems to be hitting everyone and up until that point I had been so proactive about staying healthy and doing everything possible to not get sick. I was determined to not let the sickness win and the next morning I started doing every possible thing to fight it. And for the days that followed, it truly did feel like a fight. I could feel the sickness lurking under the surface of my body and certain symptoms would pop up from time to time, but overall, I actually felt pretty decent and never fully succumbed to the full-blown flu. I was winning the fight.

I know there are things that are totally out of our control sometimes and no matter how many preventative measures we take, we still get sick. But I also believe that so much of our health is in our hands, and as proven by my crazy health crusade this last week, we actually have the ability to keep ourselves from getting sick, or at the least, significantly cut down on the symptoms we experience. Since I am always making an effort to move towards more natural and holistic ways of living, I thought I would share some of the remedy swaps I've been able to make - with similar if not better results than resorting to over-the-counter drugs filled with all kinds of chemicals. I haven't fully given up NyQuil or Ibuprofen yet, but I'm hoping to keep moving in that direction and believe that simple, natural ingredients are actually the best things we can give our bodies. 

Self Care Basics

Some of these are obvious and common knowledge, but I know enough people who forget to follow these basic guidelines (including myself), that they bear repeating.

• Get as much sleep as possible. This is when our body heals, so it's so important to sleep for as many hours as humanly possible when you're feeling sick.
• Actually take a sick day. Our always-on work culture makes it really tough to break away, but resist the temptation to even do the "work from home" half-assed rest/work day and just let yourself TRULY rest. You'll end up needing less time off in the long run and the more you can conserve your energy and allow your body to rest up front, the better.
• Minimize or remove sources of stress. Stress keeps our nervous system in a heightened state and suppresses the immune system so it can trigger or prolong sickness if you're not intentional about finding ways to unplug and de-stress while trying to heal.
• Drink all the water. Fill up on all the water and healthy liquids you can. Specific beverage recipes are down below. 

Detox Your Bod

When you're sick, there's a build-up of toxins in your body, so the more ways you can try to flush those out, the better.

• Gargle with warm salt water. Mixing a half tsp of salt with a glass of warm water and swishing it around in your mouth and gargling with it in the back of your throat (without swallowing it) helps to draw out the excess fluid that builds up during an infection and also reduces swelling and kills bacteria in the throat and mouth. Plus it feels good on a sore throat.
• Sweat it out. You'll have to listen to your body on this one because if you're super sick, subjecting yourself to high temperatures can dehydrate you or make you dizzy. But if you're feeling up for a heated yoga class, or have access to an infrared sauna (I once paid for a day pass to a gym just so I could use one for 30 min when I was super sick), it will feel so good for your body to sweat out all the toxins that way. Gentle movements and exercises also helps to keep blood flowing to your different organs and gives your immune system a boost.
• Epsom salt bath. Don't get me started on how badly I wish I had a bathtub in my bathroom, but if you're lucky enough to have one, I would highly recommend a nice warm bath filled with lots of epsom salts. I use Dr. Teal's that I got from from Target and the Pink Himalayan Mineral Soak - Restore & Replenish kind I have smells soooo good. This helps pull toxins from your body and relieves sore muscles and aches as well. If you don't have a bath like me, you can soak just your feet either in your sink or in a big bowl with warm water and epsom salts and that will also help to pull toxins from your body as well.
• Dry brush. Dry brushing helps with blood circulation and aids in lymphatic drainage and also just feels really good. If you have no idea what this is or how to do it, let Gwyneth explain it to you here.
• Eat clean, whole foods. The food and substances we put in our body literally have the ability to heal us from the inside out, so it's essential to eat as clean and healthy as possible to support your immune system. This means reducing processed foods, refined sugars, alcohol, and dairy (all things that are inflammatory to our systems) and focusing on eating as many whole, preferably plant-based foods as possible. My go-to tends to be soups that I can load up with lots of vegetables and yummy flavors and plus it feels homey and comforting at the same time.

Try This Instead of That

Our first instinct when we're feeling sick is to run to the store and stock up on all the NyQuil/DayQuil, Tylenol, Emergen-C, cough drops, and other artificially flavored drugs that we're used to ingesting to ease our sicky symptoms. And typically these things do "work." But lately I've felt hesitant to fill my body with extra chemicals and artificial flavors, sweeteners, and colors and so I've tried other natural solutions that have amazingly, and surprisingly, worked. Next time you find yourself reaching for one of these from your medicine cabinet, see if you can swap out a more natural remedy in it's place.

• NyQuil (for sleep). I will say, I'm pretty obsessed with NyQuil. Sometimes you just need to completely knock out and go to sleep, but the last time I used it, I actually broke out in a pretty bad rash on my chest - which I later read is a potential side effect, and has happened to me once before. That plus the alarmingly bright blueish-green color the liquid was made me want to set it aside for the next night. Here are some other things I've been using to get sleepy at night: Lavender essential oil. I'll put a couple drops on my wrists or the bottom of my feet 30 min before bed, or you can diffuse it in your room as well. Magnesium + Melatonin (Natural Calm) blend. I add this to some warm water at night and within 30 minutes from drinking it, I'm pretty dang sleepy.
• Ibuprofen (Advil) or Tylenol (for headaches). Again, if I'm in enough pain or discomfort, I'm still probably gonna take a couple Ibuprofen. But peppermint essential oil is so effective at getting rid of minor headaches, it's crazy. I put a tiny amount on my temples and the back of my neck (it's best if you dilute it with a carrier oil) and my headache almost instantly subsides. So magical.
• Tums or Alka-Seltzer for tummy aches or indigestion. Another job for peppermint essential oil (I love this stuff). I'll add one drop to a small cup of water and drink that down to settle my stomach (also gives you nice breath!) or I'll apply a drop or two directly to my stomach/abdomen area and rub it in and that works as well. 
• Theraflu or Emergen-C (for general flu + cold symptoms). My go-to cold tonic is this easy, healthy, and natural blend: hot water, tablespoon or so of apple cider vinegar, lemon juice, a little bit of honey, and cinnamon (could also add cayenne pepper). I also am such a believer in Thieves essential oil (by Young Living. doTERRA's equivalent is On Guard. Those are the only brands of essential oils I'd recommend when using them on your body or to ingest in any way). I put it on the bottom of my feet almost every night, healthy or sick, and I really believe it kept me healthy through a good portion of this winter. I also put it on my glands as well when I have a sore throat. Plus it smells like Christmas heaven. Several people also recommended Oil of Oregano to me as an immunity booster, so I've been adding 4 drops of that to a glass of orange juice every morning and drinking it down (pretty intense flavor, but I kind of love it).
• Vicks VapoRub (for congestion). I actually don't know if this stuff is that bad for you, but I just like the idea of using home remedies instead. The other day I put a few drops of eucalyptus essential oil (just one I bought from Whole Foods) into my sink filled with really hot water - you can do this over a big bowl as well - and put my face over it with a towel over my head to keep in the steam, and breathed in deeply for several deep breaths. Smells and feels amazing, and totally helps ease congestion in your sinuses.
• Jamba Juice's Cold Buster Smoothie. I actually used to swear by these in college, but after learning how much sugar is in it (they use ice cream as an ingredient), I realized it's probably not the best for me. A lot of juice shops offer immunity juices or ginger shots which are great, but if you feel like saving some money, you can make your own delicious immunity-boosting smoothie at home.

Ok, phew that's a lot of info all at once I know. Hopefully you can view this as more of a reference guide to check back on if you're wanting to incorporate more natural products in your life, and don't feel like you have to do all of this at once. My hope was to share the steps and remedies that actually work for me, in an effort to help keep you as healthy and thriving as possible. Take good care of yourself (you're worth it), and I'm wishing you all the best wholeness and health!

xoxo,

Sara B.

The Best Immunity-Boosting Smoothie

Well hello there.

It's been awhile, I know. Instead of doing an apologies/explanation/promises re-entry, I'm just gonna hop right in. And I decided a delicious smoothie recipe is as good a reason as any to jump back in and pick things up. 

When I was in a serious smoothie phase, I started to make up my own recipes and flavor combos and I created one that has become my favorite refreshing go-to choice, especially in summer. It wasn't until I was fighting a cold (flu maybe? not sure) this last weekend that I found myself craving one, and realized that most of the ingredients I include in it are great for the immune system. This smoothie is tart, sweet, citrus-y, and super satisfying. Here's what's in it:

• 1 frozen banana (peeled and broken into smaller chunks)
• 1/4 cup of frozen cherries 
• Fresh squeezed juice from 1 orange (or just use orange juice)
• Juice from 1 lemon
• 1 chunk of fresh ginger (with the skin peeled off. Use a smaller piece if you want it less "spicy")
• 1 cup water (or sub grapefruit LaCriox or any other sparkling water if you want an extra zip to it)
• Ice if your fruit isn't frozen or you want it extra cold
• Optional add-in's:
  • Unflavored protein powder of choice (when I'm not feeling very vegan-y, my protein powder of choice is Vital Proteins)
  • Flaxseeds 
  • Chia seeds
  • Turmeric (+ a dash of black pepper for better absorption)

Throw everything in a blender (don't stress about the amounts, you can't really mess it up), blend it up, and in less than 5 minutes you'll have a delicious smoothie that has lots of immunity-boosting properties to it as well. I'm obsessed with knowing the benefits of the different foods I put in my body, so in case you are too, here's what you'll be getting from each of the ingredients in this smoothie:

• Banana = high in potassium and fiber
• Cherries = high source of antioxidants and are anti-inflammatory
• Orange juice = high in Vitamin C and good source of fiber
• Lemon juice = alkaline food that balances the pH in your body, also a good source of Vitamin C
• Fresh ginger = helps with digestion, anti-inflammatory, and about a million more benefits seen here
• Flaxseeds (whole or ground) = high in fiber and antioxidants, helps with digestion
• Chia seeds = good source of fiber and protein, and also contain zinc (key in battling any sickness)
• Turmeric = natural anti-inflammatory and tons more benefits (seen here, including importance of combining it with black pepper)

I'm not a health expert, and I know this smoothie is pretty high in natural sugar, so if you're looking for a low-glycemic recipe, this probably isn't it. But overall, this smoothie has lots of goods in it, and is mega yummy, so if you want an excuse to drink something delicious when you're getting sick, let this be it ;) Enjoy! 

xoxo,

Sara B.

Introducing...The Hi Friend Podcast

About a year ago, one of my best friends and I started to dream about starting our own podcast together. The idea came about after spending countless collective hours talking back and forth on Voxer - a walkie talkie-like app that lets you record long (very long) voice notes to send to one another. The beauty is that you can listen and respond whenever you want, so no live phone call is needed. Many times it was used to update each other on our days, or to make plans, or even as an excuse to go outside and take a walk in the middle of the work day. But eventually this turned into a form of therapy for us. A way to unload and talk through all the things going on in our hearts and our minds, and know that it was going to be received by someone safe on the other end who we trusted with those deep feelings and thoughts. It's been an especially powerful gift for me, and we always make sure to tell each other how grateful we are for each other, and for this friendship.

Through those conversations, the idea to start a podcast and bring these discussions to light started to stir in both our hearts at the same time. Our hope was that other women would be able to listen in, and be encouraged in the same ways we have both felt encouraged. To know that they're not alone in some of the fears, hurts, questions, and hopes that they have, and that their stories deserve to be met with grace and love as well. 

So it is both super exciting and super scary for me to announce that after much dreaming and planning, and actually a lot of hard work (I had no idea how hard it would be), we're ready to officially announce our very own podcast! It's called "Hi Friend" - the greeting we use to start almost every conversation with each other - and we have a website and it's on iTunes and everything. While on the one hand, I am so over the moon and so proud to see this dream become a reality, the truth is I feel incredibly nervous and vulnerable and can't stop cringing every time I think of someone actually listening to it. I know I should be asking my sweet followers and friends to "subscribe, rate, and review" on iTunes, but at this point I almost want to request you not listen to it at all instead, and just congratulate us for actually following through with this. But if Elizabeth Gilbert's "Magic Lessons" podcast has taught me anything, it's that I will keep showing up, and keep following my heart with something I feel compelled to create, and I won't let fear be the boss of me.  

I've been trying to lean into the things that have been scaring me a lot lately, and this is definitely one of them. So we did it. We dreamt it, we put in the work, and now we're releasing it and removing the weight of other's expectations off our shoulders. I hope we keep it up, if only for ourselves, but if I'm being honest, I really hope you like it too (maybe give us a few episodes grace period to get better?). Thank you for always being so supportive of me, and this blog, and if nothing else, I hope you feel encouraged to be bold and courageous and go after the dreams you've been storing in your heart as well.

xoxo,

Sara B.

Why You Need An All-Inclusive Vacation in Mexico

Several months ago I threw out the idea of heading on a tropical vacation to some girlfriends of mine (you know, to escape the harsh winter of Southern CA), and a couple of hotel searches and booked flights later, our trip to Cabo was officially planned. We knew we wanted to do an all-inclusive resort to help with budgeting and to reduce stress while we were on our trip, and after seeing my friends The Traveling Newlyweds' unbelievable photos from the Paradisus Los Cabos, I immediately looked it up to see if it was anywhere in our price range. Not only was it one of the nicest looking hotels I had seen, but to my absolute delight, it was an all-inclusive resort, and very reasonable as well. Done and done.

I will say we had the fortune of getting our room bumped to an ocean view, in the VIP section of the hotel, but I truly don't think you can go wrong with any room or part of this hotel. I kept having to pinch myself that this was a hotel I paid for on my own with my friends instead of being funded by my parents on a family vacation. I guess that's what not being a kid anymore feels like, right?

We were so in love with this hotel, and with our experience, that I wanted to share all my reasons for why I think you would love this place too (this is not sponsored btw). I also got a lot of questions from people while I was there, so hopefully this helps! Here were our favorite parts, as well as some tips and recommendations (and tons more sunny eye candy for you):

• All-inclusive is really the way to go. Knowing everything was already paid for up front and we didn't have to worry about bringing out our wallets or racking up a huge tab every time we wanted to order a drink or food by the pool was pretty unreal. 
• The food at Paradisus Los Cabos was impressive for an all-inclusive. We all agreed breakfast was our favorite, and everything we ordered poolside was great too. They didn't skimp on drinks (and a word to the wise - be careful there ;) and we even took advantage of late night room service too.
• We opted to leave the hotel for dinner 2 different times, and it was nice to get a change of scenery and try out new places - though the hotel offers lots of different restaurant options.
• Paradisus Los Cabos is in San Jose Del Cabo - which is closer to the airport, and about a 20 min drive from downtown Cabo San Lucas. We had a lot of fun heading there on Saturday night (we went to The Office which was great, and then the Mango Deck, and then went out dancing at Mandela), but the spring break scene was almost night and day from what we were used to at our hotel.
• The hotel is practically brand new as it was just recently remodeled in December. It felt clean and spacious (we loved how not crowded it was), and the design was my absolute favorite part. Clean, modern lines. Neutrals and brushed metallics. Every single corner of the hotel was so beautiful and so my taste.
• The staff!! Truly the kindest people ever. Always asking us how were were doing, and helping to arrange anything we needed or answer any question we had. They got to know our names (shout out to Carlos our amazing butler and David the awesome Activities Director), and took care of everything for us.
• While I didn't participate in many of them (activities and vacation are basically antonyms to me) - I loved that they always had different activities to join in on, and my friend Allie was actually an activities all-star on this trip. Everything from boot camp classes to yoga to water aerobics to Spanish and guacamole-making lessons were offered to us while we were there.
• We saw people horseback riding on the beach when we got there and remarked at how amazing that would be. Figuring it was pricey (this wasn't offered through the hotel), I didn't get my hopes up. But after expressing interest to Carlos over breakfast, he let us know it was $40/person for a half hour (which ended up being more than enough time) and arranged the entire excursion for us the next morning, meeting us at our room and walking us over to the spot on the beach. One of my favorite memories from the trip for sure.
• You can whale watch from your balcony or from the pool. There were constantly whales breaching out in the distance and we would squeal every time we saw one. Next time I would love to go out on a boat to see them up close and personal.
• Getting to and from the hotel was super easy. The hotel connected us with Cabo Expert (I believe you can just contact them directly) and had a shuttle waiting for us at the airport, and they were there to take as back as well. Only $35 per person round trip! 
• Tip: Bring cash and especially ones. While we didn't need this at our hotel obviously, if you plan on going elsewhere, taxis only take cash, and it's helpful to have ones for tips. Most everything else can be paid for on credit card of course, but all of us ran out of cash at one point and needed to go to an ATM.

Ok, I think you just need to book your flights and you're ready to go! Say hello to this slice of heaven for me if you vist, and let me know if you have any other all-inclusives I have to check out in the future. Adios, amigos!

xoxo,

Sara B.

Mama and Me in Italy

Well it's been over 2 months since we've been back, but I promised myself I would post about our trip, so here it is! Better late than never :) I shared the story behind how this trip came to be here and I would love to document this special memory on my blog as well. The first mother/daughter trip we've ever taken and it happened to be to one of my very favorite places in the world. We had to keep pinching ourselves that this trip was actually happening and we'll never stop being grateful to my Dad for helping to make this a reality (we love you!). Without further ado, here are some of the highlights, recommendations, and lessons learned from Mama/Daughter Italy trip 2016:

• Make sure you are very clear on the difference between Military and Standard time. For some reason we didn't triple check our departure time and 17:00 became 7pm in our heads rather than 5pm. Our flight literally left two hours earlier than we were anticipating but thank you sweet baby Jesus we still made it somehow.
• Wine is acceptable at every meal when you're in Italy.

Desenzano, Lake Garda - The town we first stayed in

• It helped to not have too many set expectations for this trip because it allowed us to go with the flow as things came up. We decided to take a boat to track down this one hotel I wanted to see and got to see several of the other towns around Lake Garda which were all so gorgeous and charming. We ended up in Gargnano which was absolutely amazing.

• Being spontaneous is good but planning ahead is also good if you have your heart set on something. One of the main reasons we chose Lake Garda as one of our destinations was because I saw Julia of Gal Meets Glam's post on Lake Garda and decided I needed to visit this magical land. She stayed at Villa Feltrinelli and all I wanted to do was walk around the property and take some pictures. We learned the hard way that it's not open to the public and if you're not staying there you would need a reservation at their nice restaurant to be able to enter the grounds :( We were still so happy we got to experience Gargnano because of that excursion, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little disappointed. Just means I'll have to come back ;)

That's Villa Feltrinelli on the right. Sigh.

• I realized it's possible to love a place similarly to how you love a person. Knowing I was returning to Rome (where I spent 4 months in college), actually made me nervous and excited and like I was going to see someone I've loved but haven't seen in a long time. I miss that place so much it hurts sometimes, and was so very excited to spend some much needed time together :)

• Sometimes tears are inevitable, but choosing to have grace and learning to let go of expectations can make all the difference. Looking back, we realized that we tried to pack a little too much into this 9 day trip (I'll take responsibility for that one), and all the traveling and moving around led to moments of exhaustion and feeling overwhelmed by all we were trying to do. It took some intentional slowing down, and allowing ourselves space (with some extra sides of pasta and wine) to get us back into a good place.

• My heart was so, so happy being back in Rome. I love this pic my Mom took of me (below) because I feel like it so wonderfully captures my joy being in the middle of my favorite city on such a beautiful day (thank you Mama for being my fantastic, and patient, photographer).

• We have friends whose family owns the Ristorante Di Rienzo in front of the Pantheon so we went there for lunch one day and loved it. Feels so surreal to be staring at the Pantheon while eating lunch. Also, my Mom and I became big fans of Campari and Aperol Spritzes while we were there (the orange drinks you see everyone drinking). So perfectly tart and refreshing.

Pantheon is on the left, and my favorite church in Rome is on the right - Santa Maria Maddalena 

• Getting to show my Mom where I lived when I studied abroad (that's me in front of my apartment in Trastevere below) and where I went to school (view from outside my school in the pic on the right) was so special.

Dinner on our last night in Rome

• I was grateful to my Mama for being fine with me doing some solo exploring of my own. On our last night in Rome I ventured out to see one of my favorite monuments - the Victor Emmanuel - and made a stop by Trevi Fountain to throw a coin in. That way I made sure I'll come back ;)
• After Rome it was onto our most anticipated city of the trip - Positano! This charming town on the Amalfi Coast is so incredibly beautiful and romantic, and it felt wonderful to be able to rest and relax a little bit more since there's not as much exploring or sightseeing to do there. Here are some pics and recommendations from our favorite places we went to:

• We stayed at the Hotel L'Ancora and I would highly recommend it. It's right next to Le Sirenuse (one of the most famous hotels in Positano) so the views are basically the same, but the price is much more do-able (it's a 4 star as opposed to a 5 star). We also loved the restaurant at our hotel and ended up eating there multiple times. I think we squealed every single time we looked at the view from our balcony.

I found a margarita!

• Another amazing benefit of Hotel L'Ancora was the fact that they were connected to a couple other hotels in Positano, meaning we had access to their facilities and you could charge meals to your room from any of the restaurants there as well. The absolutely incredible Hotel Covo Dei Saraceni was one of those hotels (I'll pause while you go Google image search that place) and we went there for lunch one day and to their pool and were in Heaven. It was so, so beautiful and it's my dream to stay there someday. So here are a few pics from that place:

• Franco's Bar (connected to Le Sirenuse and right next to our hotel as well) was amazing. I would definitely recommend getting there early for a drink while you watch the sunset.
• We went to Le Sirenuse's Champagne and Oyster Bar for drinks one night before dinner and that was incredibly magical as well.

I'm so grateful my Mama and I had this experience together and know it's one we'll treasure forever. We don't take for granted that we have the kind of relationship where we actually enjoy being around each other, and that we get to add sweet times like this to our memory bank together. Love you Mommy, so grateful to you and Dad for making this possible - this trip will always occupy a special place in my heart.

xoxo,

Sara B.

Ask For What You Need

I’d like to think that by my age, I have a lot of things figured out. That I know myself pretty well, and that the amount of mistakes I make on a daily basis has taken a steep dive compared to prior years (ha, k maybe not so much on that last one). The truth is I know I have a ways to go, always. And I know 31 isn’t the peak of sage wisdom and knowledge, but to my credit, I do think I’ve learned a thing or two about life and people and love in my life so far. Some from my background in psychology, but mostly through life experiences and from living in close relationship with others.

If someone were to sit me down and ask what the most important things I’ve learned in life so far were, I'd be hard pressed to give a concise answer (quick thinking and brevity are not my strong suits in life). But lately I keep returning to one principal I have learned to take hold of that I can truly say has made all the difference in my life. Not only that, but it’s something that I wish with all my heart and soul I could instill into others when they have a hard time grasping this for themselves.

Learning to ask for what I need in life has probably been hands down one of the most important and helpful things I’ve done for myself over the past several years. And something I wish I had been able to grasp much earlier in life too. This principal has saved me time, stress, heartache and has instilled such a stronger sense of confidence and bravery in me that has honestly been fun to watch grow and develop.

This discipline looks different depending on which situation I’m in, so I’m going to give a few different examples:

In the single/“dating” stages of my life

Dating in this day and age is not easy. I spent the second half of my 20s single and between my experiences with casually dating and hearing my other girlfriends lament the tales of confusing interactions and conversations and text messages, it’s clear that there’s not much that’s clear about those early stages of dating and trying to decipher whether there are feelings being reciprocated on the other end. I have talked before about daydreaming and heart ties that are too strong when you can’t let go, and while there isn’t always a magic “off switch” for those feelings like we all so desperately could use for our brains and hearts, having a “come to Jesus” conversation has had almost miraculous results in every one of those instances for me. When I finally couldn’t take the endless stream of thoughts in my head and the back and forth of wondering where the other person stood, I decided to lay everything on the line and share what I felt, what was feeling confusing for me, and asked the other person to clarify their feelings and intentions as well. Whenever I did this it always seemed to give me exactly what I was looking for. While the answer may not have been the one I wanted to hear at the time, and has even caused some pretty deep pain, it instantly cleared up the muddiness in my brain and when I realized the other person wasn’t on the same page as me, it made moving on so, so, so much easier.  

I don’t mean to downplay the fear and vulnerability that comes from initiating a conversation like this – trust me, I get it, it’s hard. But for me, not knowing where I stood with a person was way harder than having this conversation. If you don't know where to start, it can be as simple as saying, "I'd love to know what you're feeling in all this," or "I've noticed I've started feeling this way, where are you at?" It's ok to be honest and say things like "This interaction was confusing for me, do you think you could help clarify what you meant that that?" Again, you might not love the answer you hear, but receiving the truth is so much better than having to live with a false sense of confidence or perhaps even ambivalence of that "I'm cool with whatever" vibe we all so desperately try to convey.

In the seriously dating stages of my life

Really the main thing I’ve learned here when it comes to asking for what you need stems from the truth that people are not mind readers. Shocker! I know. Anytime I would get upset about a lack of texts throughout the day or wishing the other person would initiate more dates or not being there for me emotionally when I needed them, I would later realize that it was so unfair to expect those things without first verbalizing that I would appreciate them. By admitting that it meant a lot to me to get random texts saying they were thinking of me, or that when they made plans ahead of time for a date it really helped me to have that to look forward to if I knew we couldn’t see each other much that week, it clued that person in to what my heart needed and typically those actions always followed. Even when I was scared of coming across as too needy at times, I would straight up say, “I’m feeling really needy right now, I would love to see you or can I at least talk to you for awhile tonight?” If you’re with someone who truly cares about your feelings, they will typically take this kind of honesty to heart and probably be grateful that you’re saying what you need rather than blowing up later over something they had no idea they did wrong.

In friendships and with my family

This is still something I’m learning to grasp at times – how to have boundaries with saying no to plans that sound fun or are good, in order to care for myself. It’s truly a muscle that needs training and discipline, to be able to check in with yourself every day and ask what you need. For me, my first instinct is to say yes to almost everything, especially fun plans out with friends. I’ve had to learn when to say no, so that I can say yes to sleep or alone time, or working on a project I’ve neglected for too long. The opposite is also true. It can be hard to admit when you’re lonely or need someone to come care for you. But being courageous enough to reach out and ask someone to come over or inviting myself over to someone’s place when I need to talk or need to not eat dinner alone always ends up being worth it. 

I can think of a specific encounter with my Mom that helped me learn the lesson of asking for what I needed in an emotional sense. I called her in tears about something that she proceeded to give me advice or feedback on, which caused me to be twice as upset as I was before. We both got off the phone feeling confused, frustrated and upset, and it wasn't until later that we were able to process what happened. She pointed out that she wasn't clear on what I was needing in that instance, and I realized all I had wanted in that moment was for her to listen and sympathize with me, even if she had all the wisdom in the world ready to share with me - I just wasn't ready to receive it in that moment. So now, when I call my Mom because I just need to cry and need someone there to listen, I tell her that. When I'm in a place where I'm ready for her feedback, I tell her that as well. Asking for the emotional response I'm needing in a given situation helps alleviate the already present feelings of tension/sadness/anger that much more.

In closing, I want to urge you to have compassion, kindness, and patience with yourself while you learn to listen for what you and your heart need in order to navigate this crazy life. And I want to give you permission to be bold and brave so you can ask for exactly what you need without a shred of fear or guilt attached to that. May you experience grace and peace and freedom today, sweet friends.

xoxo,

Sara B.

A Dream Come True

In 2005 I studied abroad in Rome, Italy for what turned out to be 4 of the best months of my life. I fell head over heels in love with that country and miss it all the time. While I was there, one of the things I was looking forward to the most was having my family come and visit me. Not only did I want to share with them where I was living and all the amazing things I was experiencing, but I also missed them dearly, that being the longest amount of time I would be away from home.

I knew my Mom was having a few health issues and even had to go to the hospital at one point, but there wasn't much that was being disclosed to me, mostly out of protection for my sake and my family not wanting to worry me when I was so far from home. What I didn't know is how bad things really were until they called me to tell me they were going to have to cancel their trip to come see me - my Mom wasn't going to be able to endure the long flight and lots of traveling. I was devastated. Like top 5 worst moments of life. I sobbed for hours that night. I was scared for my Mom's sake and I was so sad I wouldn't get to share my beloved city of Rome with them. I vowed that someday we'd come back as a family and I would find a way to share this place together with them (my parents had already been to Italy, but I still wanted to experience it together).

Fast forward to today, 11 years later. That period in 2005 is actually what launched a whole host of health issues for my Mom that have really devastated our family. She has chronic pain and a nerve disorder, has had to have multiple surgeries and take more medication than anyone should ever have to, and it's kept her and my family from doing things that many people get to take for granted (long walks, trips, attending events, etc.). This is not to say there hasn't been good and small trips together and little miracles and lots of joy in this time. There have been all those things. And throughout this season, there have been several things I've prayed for consistently - one being that my Mom would have full healing of her pain and be able to get off her medications and live a healthy and active life. Another more specific one being that we'd get to take a big trip just the two of us together someday. We have never traveled just she and I and we had always talked about going to Prague (our motherland since my Mom is full Czech), and then of course I've dreamed about getting to take my Mom to Italy to show her where I lived, and experience that beautiful place with her.

The past few years I've had several plans for big trips with friends fall through. All for understandable reasons, but each time it's been so hard for me after looking forward to those experiences and adventures, and yearning to travel after many years of not going anywhere abroad (I've visited Italy one other time with my best friends in 2008, which was definitely a dream come true). My soul literally longs for the feeling of visiting a different place and the experience of soaking in another culture and the views and the food and all that comes along with it. That on top of desperately wanting to hit the refresh button on my life lately and intentionally step away from my day to day for a little bit to reflect and restore visions of my passions and purpose brought me to a place where I was ready to book a solo trip myself just to make it happen. I called my Mom while she was getting some treatments done that we were hopeful would have her feeling better. In the off chance she might actually be up for it, I threw out the possibility of us booking a trip together to see if she wanted to come with me (to anywhere really, I didn't care). She amazingly said her body felt like that was something she could actually do (praise God), but then immediately said that if she were to go somewhere big for the first time in 11 years, she wanted that to be with my Dad. I completely understood and wanted that for the two of them as well. I just let her know that if that were the case, perhaps her and I could go somewhere together the following year, but I was going to be planning a trip no matter what.

The next day she texted me saying she needed to talk and to call as soon as I could. So I called to learn the news that she had told my Dad about all of this and he had said to her that he thought she should go on this trip with me, and that that was fine with him. (Tears, I love you and your selfless heart so much, Daddy). I think I was in shock that this would actually be happening because I didn't even cry at the time and I just couldn't believe this might be a possibility. With each step of our planning I let my heart feel a little more hope and excitement over the fact that after all these years, and after all my Mom's been through, the two of us will get to have this incredible experience together. 

It's with so much joy and so much gratitude for God's redemptive and healing story that I get to share that one month from today - September 22nd - my Mom and I will be taking off to the place I left my heart - Italy - where we will spend several nights in Lake Garda (Northern Italy), several nights in Rome (!!) and the rest of our time in swoon-city Positano on the Amalfi Coast. I am truly over the moon grateful and excited and can't wait for this once-in-a-lifetime experience with me and my Mama. I plan on sharing this trip here on my blog and on Instagram obviously if you'd like to follow along :) The pictures from this post are from when I studied abroad, and I can't wait to step back through these photos in real life again and drink in every moment. 

It was actually an Instagram caption I read the day I called my Mom that ultimately pushed me over the edge to make me want to book this trip. From Carissa Jones who recently lost a dear friend and was traveling with her family to Zion and other places in the U.S. The caption said, "...we get one life...if there is someplace you want to travel to, don't wait any longer - you won't regret it, I promise." Which felt like it was written just for me. So if there is something that's been on your heart, tugging on your spirit that you can't seem to shake, may I encourage you to lean into that and just say "Yes." If it's taking that trip or sharing your feelings with someone or starting to write that book, find a way to make that happen. Because we are only given this one life, and because the fullest, most alive version of yourself is what you and all those around you need. Thank you for letting me share this story with you. Love you, sweet friends.

xoxo,

Sara B.

Light at the End of the Breakup

As I’ve navigated my way through 31 years of life, I’ve found that there are few things that cause greater times of turmoil and change than “matters of the heart” as my Mom likes to say. Love and loss have a way of affecting us and molding us unlike anything else. Some of the lowest and hardest times of my life have being enduring breakups, and I’ve found this experience to be similar for many of the close women in my life. From high school til now that’s looked like phone calls filled with tears at all hours of the day, just needing to tell someone it hurts, and needing to hear you’re not alone. Rushing to each other’s houses with open arms and tissue and bottles of wine when there’s nothing left to do but just sit with one another. Reminding each other of all the truths we can offer when the other can only hear the lies. This is why friendship is everything, and how frankly, I’ve survived and even thrived up until this point. I am so grateful for the women placed in my life and the strange beauty of shared experiences to get me through those chapters. And similar to how I would speak with one of my close girlfriends, or my sweet Mom, I want to share some of the things I’ve learned through these breakups, in the hopes that you find comfort in our similarities, or can borrow from my truths, or feel a sense of solidarity and hope in marching forward together more whole and more beautiful than we were the day before.

1. Feel all the Things

There’s a reason our natural instinct is to resist feelings like sadness or pain and to push them away or cover them with something else. Sadness is exhausting, it slows us down and interferes with our every day lives and it’s a barrier to the happiness we’d much prefer to live in. But for me, shifting my perspective on how I look at pain and sadness, reassigning it as a good and beautiful and necessary emotion makes such a difference. Our tears are powerful teachers and an incredible reminder that we are alive and paying attention.

The phrase “give yourself space to grieve” sounds nice but what does that even mean, right? I’ve been spending a lot of time lately seeking and asking myself what it looks like to grieve in a healthy and helpful way, and I’ve found that for me it just looks like grace and permission on repeat. Heaps of grace to sit in whatever emotion has come my way that day – anger, sadness, frustration, confusion – and ask questions and write down my feelings or Vox my best friend and talk through the tears until it’s all out there. Grace to not condemn myself for feeling those things, and rather to recognize my bravery in not turning away from them.

And then permission to do what I need in that moment to care for myself – do I need to be alone and sit a night out with my friends? Do I need to be surrounded by my loved ones and ask for their hugs or have them take me out dancing? Do I need to step away from my computer at work and take a walk when the tears come and I can’t push them away? Do I need a margarita? Do I need to take a break from drinking? A break from social media? Ask your heart what it needs in any given moment during these tender days and do just that.

2. Be Grateful for the Good

I think one of the toughest things for me in a breakup has been mourning all of the good I had to say goodbye to. Even when it was my choice, or when there were things missing for me in a relationship, I clearly was with that person for a reason (or many reasons, rather) and having to let those things go sucks. My mind is so quick to remember only the good post-breakup and to be honest, it feels really yucky and hard for me to try and focus on “the bad” or the reasons we didn’t work out. So my mind quickly becomes a spiral of sadness missing those good characteristics, fearful I’ll never find that again. I think there’s part of me that feels to fully move on to someone else, I’d need to fully reject all that my exes were and start fresh with a new human and their different qualities. But the truth is that will never be possible, and we date and are in relationship with people to learn to love others yes, but also to more fully form our hearts and to learn things about ourselves, and to continue growing into the person we’d like to be. This is such good news! Because that means a relationship that didn’t “work out” doesn’t have to be thrown in the trash, forgotten and left behind with the hopes you’ll start fully over again next time. No, you get to carry with you the good from that relationship and the pieces of yourself that are different and stronger and better because of them. So now this is something I try to be grateful for rather than sad about. How lucky that I’ve been able to date people who have all loved me in their unique ways, and who have taught me things about life and faith and feelings, and who have hopefully walked away from me and our relationship better and more equipped for the next person they date. I don’t spend much time feeling grateful for the exes of my boyfriends, but maybe I should, and I sure hope the new girlfriends and wives of people I’ve dated may someday be grateful for how I helped shape the men they are with now.

3. Comparison is Not Your Friend

This is another tough one. Especially in the age of social media and constant updates and reminders about where everyone else is in their stage of life. This phrase has been on repeat in my head the past few weeks and it’s been so helpful: “Their journey is not your journey.” That means that their timeline is not my timeline, and some people might date easily and frequently and others might wait years in between dates or relationships. What other people are doing doesn’t concern you or your journey. Your story is unfolding in a unique and special way, at just the speed it’s supposed to.  Another phrase that’s been on repeat thanks to this incredible post from Allison Fallon is “What is for you will not pass you by, there is no such thing as missing your own boat.” Oh man that’s been helpful to remind myself of. That whole post is filled with so much wisdom, I highly recommend reading it. When your mind starts drifting into comparison territory, anchor yourself to your truths and hold on tight. Define what those truths are for you (write them down if you can), and here are some of mine if you need help finding your’s:

• I am fully loved, and fully whole, with or without a partner
• I am not alone
• There is a good and beautiful plan for my life
• Whatever happens in the future doesn’t take away from what you had or experienced in the past
• Trust in the One who has led you to this place

4. This Won’t Last Forever

The beauty of having multiple broken hearts, and of watching your friends experience the same, is having the hope to draw from that this won’t last forever. You’ve done this before, you’ve mourned and healed and moved on and you’ll do it again. When you’re in the trenches of the tears and the messy mind games and are having to avoid all the songs that make you sad, remember that this is temporary, you will love deeply and laugh loudly and it will be even sweeter because you have heartache to compare it to.

If you are in this place now, I wish I could hug you, and cry together. If you have recovered from a breakup and are on the other side, then I am cheering with you and am grateful for the hope your story brings us. And if you are facing a breakup, know that you can do hard things, and this is not the end, just the continuation of a story that is becoming more and more beautiful with every experience you add to it.

xoxo,

Sara B.