Being a single, 20-something girl with lots of well-meaning friends and family often comes with the frequent proposal of being set-up with someone of the opposite gender. It is incredibly flattering to know that others must think of me as someone who is even worthy of being set up on a date to begin with. Also, as someone who desires to be married, you'd think I'd welcome these invitations. Yet for some reason my heart always cringes a little bit when I am told by a friend or a family member that they have someone they want to set me up with. And for the longest time I could not figure out why.
I believe it was this post by Emily Maynard that helped put words to that twitch in my soul I felt every time I was offered as an option to another single person. It boiled down to the fact that whenever someone suggested I meet so-and-so or try signing up for eHarmony or visit another church every now and then to meet more people (all real life suggestions), I was believing the lie that I am not good enough just as I am. I need a boyfriend or a husband and then the people around me can rest easy knowing I'm partnered up and taken care of. (Though I'm told people will always find ways to let you know they're not content with your life just the way it is - your job, kids or lack thereof, diet choices, how you spend your money and on and on and on).
Before you begin to apologize if you're one of the people in my life who has done just that, please hear that this is not about you and your suggestions. I know you are well-meaning and care about me and want the very best for me. And I appreciate that so much. Instead, hear that this is my issue that I am learning to walk through in more ways than one. Besides battling the lie that single = inadequate, I struggle with looking to meaningless measures to validate my worth as a human. I have found equal amounts of solace and despair in everything from the words a boy says or doesn't say to me, to the amount of followers I have on instagram in a given moment. Pathetic sounding? Sure. But still incredibly real challenges my mind faces every day.
If you do follow me on instagram, you may have seen some of the temporary tattoos I've been writing on my hand from time to time to remind myself of an important truth I need to see continually throughout my day. In all honesty this has been a really helpful practice for me. I thought about what it is God might want to write on my hand if given the chance, and at this point in my life I believe it would be the words, "You Are Enough." He would write it in His handwriting, claiming me as His own, reminding me that if all I am is a child of His, that is enough. I am beautiful because He says so. I am loved because He loves me. I am perfect in my uniqueness because He made me just the way I am. I know it will take more than temporary words written in ink for that truth to sink into my soul, but my prayer for myself, and for you, is that God tattoos that truth on our hearts and in our minds so deeply that we never forget where our true worth lies.
From my heart,
Sara B
I know that feelinf when friends and family are constantly trying to set you up -- sometimes I really think they mean well but don't think about how it makes the other person feel. But dont worry -- you are enough. we don't need anyone to complete us! XO
ReplyDeletehttp://allthingsprettyandlittle.blogspot.com/
of course you're worthy to be set up on a blind date. you're a beautiful girl! and i can tell you're awesome just from reading your blog :)
ReplyDelete-Marsa
The DayLee Journal
What a great reminder. People always seem to find something :) I know I get some of the same things about not being married to my boyfriend of 8 years or even living together! I say, as long as you're happy with your life then who cares! Every person is different and we all reach different things in life in our own time. God might be pretty bored if not. xo
ReplyDeleteI love the glitter, but I love love when you write about the grace! Sara, you ARE enough, through His goodness and love. It's really is hard to do, but it's also so liberating to detach ourselves from the idea that a relationship is the be-all-end-all. I've read Emily's post many times, and I don't know if you're in the same boat as me, but this one has also been really encouraging: http://goodwomenproject.com/dating/you-dont-have-to-date#
ReplyDeletePraying for you!
-longtime reader
Well worded. I agree that being a 20 something comes with much comparison. It is hard to not compare ourselves to others our age who may be seemingly more successful, homeowners, married, etc. As a fewllow single 20-something gal, I am faced with the same questions and set ups. I know that "Do you have a boyfriend these days?" is a commonly asked question, and I know the person asking means well and is asking because they know I am worthy of a great guy. Well, I know the same and for that reason I choose not to settle just to fill some gap. I would rather spend my time with great gal pals than a subpar guy. So until a great guy comes along, single I shall be.
ReplyDeleteHi Sara-
ReplyDeleteGreat post. As a 32yr old (33 on Saturday...eeek!!!!), finding myself single once again, this a great reminder to myself. I often find my mind caught up in the rat race of life, worried about 'the clock' etc... and watching friends get engaged, married, and pop out babies. It's daunting, but you've hit the nail on the head. We are not half of a whole.
Thanks for taking the time to write this.
This is a beautiful post and I believe we all struggle with "are we enough?" I am married and have a son, almost 4. I get asked so when is the next one coming and I feel like saying isn't my son enough?!!!! I'm not sure what it is about people having to constantly want to fast forward your life to the next stage. When your dating, its like when are you getting married? then kids? then more kids? then you should stop having kids!! People are well meaning but it can take a toll on a person. Thank you for this beautiful post and YOU ARE ENOUGH!!! We all are.
ReplyDeleteAgi:)
vodkainfusedlemonade.wordpress.com
Love this post! I struggle daily with God's truth that I am enough, and I think it's so important for us single girls to stick together and remind each other of this. Thanks for the reminder today :)
ReplyDeleteKatie @ Style Diary
What a great post Sara. As a single 20-something myself, I really appreciate you sharing this. It a great reminder for all of us, single or not.
ReplyDeleteSara, this is such a fantastic post. While I may not relate to the religious context you write about, your spirituality goes beyond and speaks to me, and I'm sure so many others. I'm a 30 something who stuggles with this, and remembering that you are enough, is so very important. Thank you!!
ReplyDeleteDear One, this is your mom, who is indeed, guilty as charged...I know you said, this was not your intent. This past weekend was so enlightening in that regard. I am thankful your Aunt allowed me to hear & see your pain when I pursue such things...I vow from this point forward to recognize that you & indeed each of us, are enough. Either I believe that God is in charge, with His Master Plan & His perfect timing, or I do not. Certainly He does not need my 'help' nor do you. You do not need another person to 'complete' you, only God can fill that role. I love you so very much & am grateful beyond words, that you can articulate in such a powerful & exquisite ways. XOXO
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful post. I think it's sometimes really hard to be single and other times it's great. I know that God has someone out there for me (as well as the perfect job) but it's all in his timing. I can't say that it's easy for me to be patient, because truthfully, sometimes it's not. But I know he will bestow those blessing when it's time and until then, I need to live the best life I can.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful.
ReplyDeleteYour mama is awesome.. and you are truly enough just as you are...
ReplyDeleteAs i ponder this...having a son and daughter, both single... I know
how your mom feels, we want our children to be happy-- I sometimes see lonliness in my children's eyes.. but I know God has the perfect person for them, and he has the perfect person for you to share your life with too... But it is God who is the One who meets our every need, the One who makes us complete... Thank you for sharing your heart, you have touched mine!!
I love this Sara. :) You are great. :) Love you!
ReplyDeleteThis is sososo good! I have plenty of single friends&family members that are walking this out too. It's a great reminder for everyone. xoxo
ReplyDeleteBeautiful and wise. The last paragraph was spot on, what I needed to hear. Thank you <3
ReplyDeleteSuch a beautiful and inspiring post... especially since Valentines day is approaching! We are God's beloved daughters, and soon enough the right one will come our way. Blessings!
ReplyDeleteTaylor
www.love-genevieve.com
Honestly, I look up to you so much. (no pressure ;) You have such a strength in leading by example and I love that you can take the pressure of the world and instead of succumbing to it, turn it into something that will strengthen your relationship with God. That is one of the most powerful things you've showed me since I met you. You are such a blessing and I'm so thankful to know you!
ReplyDeleteahahah! I am so like you. When I was single I seriously would cringe at the idea of being set up. I had to just tell my friends/family that I just simply wasn't interested in their set ups, even though it was kind and sweet of them. I suppose my reason is cause I am a little bit of a romantic, I like the idea of just meeting someone randomly rather than "searching" or being set up. When I met my current boyfriend we just started hanging out as friends and quickly we both realized we were happiest when together rather than apart. Plus I think when you're happy with yourself, your life, everything around you then just enjoying your life is great, if someone stumbles in and brightens it even more - then thats great too!
ReplyDeletexoxo Bree
The Urban Umbrella
http://www.theurbanumbrella.com
sigh... totally relate friend. luckily living in san francisco, where not getting married till you're 30 is the norm, i'm not bombarded with 'single' questions much. but still definitely get them. right now i'm living my own life, how i want to, crossing my my goals. actually when i broke up with my last boyfriend of 4 years, i wrote a list of things i wanted to do when i was single, some of them silly and some of them things i really honestly never thought i would do. one of those things was living in spain and teaching english. 2 years later, here i am, living in spain! kinda crazy. and even crazier that after this year in spain, i will have crossed off everything on that 'single to-do' list. so while i''m not looking to be set up, or feel the need to sign up for eharmony, i definitely miss having some one special in my life and home he's around the corner somewhere
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ReplyDeleteOh my goodness, Sara, what a beautiful post. You've got me cryin' over here!
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure if you remember, but in September I sent you an email. Just a quick note to thank you for being a great role model and someone I look to when I need to remember to trust His plan. You have always been someone I've looked to, as a fellow twenty-something, when I need to be reminded that I can be happy and love my life, even if I'm single.
Sometimes it is so scary and almost embarrassing to admit that I want a relationship, that I want someone to spend my life with. But then I remember I'm not the only one. And more importantly I remember that I have an incredible life. I am blessed beyond measure. Thank you so much for always being such a great reminder of what is good. Thank you for always reminding me to trust His plan. For if I trust in Him and believe in His plan, everything will turn out the way it should.
Here I am, 5 months after I emailed you, 7 months after a breakup with a long term boyfriend, and I'm still sad on occasion. I still hope and pray that I'll someday find someone to spend my life with. But overall, I'm happy. I'm full of joy.
Thank you for consistently being a place I can visit to look for not only adorable outfits and great nails, but also inspiring words that bring me closer to Him and to other women like me.
You rock my socks, Sara :)
So happy I just found your blog! I couldn't agree more with this post. It's nice hearing that other 20 somethings are struggling with the exact same issues I am. Society puts entirely too much pressure on being in relationships which is then trumped by family and friends constant nagging. I hope you do find your special someone and it's worth the wait.
ReplyDeleteBeing single with Valentine's day quickly approaching I cannot tell you how much your blog post hit home for me. When it's right...it'll happen.
ReplyDeleteskyeyork.blogspot.com
I am a new follower to your blog (and your Instagram -- hollaaa! ;) ) and let me just say, though I am in love with your style, this post right here is what will keep me coming back. I adore your honesty and your faith and I can't wait to read more! Thank you so much for sharing.
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