"Even in my weakness, the Savior called my name
In His holy presence I am healed and unashamed.
As I'm carried to the table, seated where I don't belong
Carried to the table, swept away by His love
And I don't see my brokenness anymore, when I'm seated at the table of the Lord"
- Carried to the Table by Leeland
Have you ever had one of those days/weeks/months where you feel like you can't get anything right? Where you keep messing up, and end your days thinking about what could have been and how much better you could have done everything? I'm in one of those times right now. Discouraged, disappointed in myself, frustrated with wasted time, not eating healthy, the list goes on. Sometimes I feel like I just can't get it together. When I keep making mistakes, sometimes the last person I want to go to is Jesus. I've disappointed myself and those around me, so naturally I assume that I've disappointed Him too. Deep down I know that's not how He works, but it's hard to separate God's perfect heart from the brokenness of everyone around us.
The other day I was listening to the song "Carried to the Table" by Leeland, and the line "I don't see my brokenness anymore, when I'm seating at the table of the Lord" really stood out to me. I pictured sitting across a table from Jesus and just staring into His eyes and seeing only love and approval and forgiveness. Not anger, not disappointment, not condemnation. Just a loving Father who is so delighted to have me in His presence with Him. And I was so encouraged and uplifted by that thought. As well as renewed. It almost made me laugh, in a joyful way. I pictured my failures behind me, and a weight lifted off my shoulders as He told me I didn't need to carry that with me anymore. He's not a God of guilt, but of perpetual Grace and second chances. When we fail He's the first person we should run to. Because in our shame and sadness and repentance, he heals us, holds us in His arms, and reminds us how He sees us - as a loved and forgiven child of His. And nothing is more encouraging to me than that.
"In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength." Isaiah 30:15